Because it was the end of the year, the next training sessions were to be held after several months – which is a great deal of time when you are pregnant! Over this time I edged closer to my first day of maternity leave and my belly grew a lot! It was hard not to think about when you saw me.

When I approached my boss about attending the training session again, sending her the details of which one would be best to attend, she wrote back saying that this was not the best time for me to do a training session. She said that it wouldn’t be worthwhile for me to attend because there wouldn’t be enough time to practice what I had learnt and that I would forget my training when I was on maternity leave.

I was hurt and furious! I felt completely discriminated against.

I tried to see things from my boss’s point of view – which was very hard – and did my best to calm down. It took me weeks to not get upset over it anymore. At this point in time I was also thinking I was falling into the abyss of my year long maternity leave (maybe even longer) where I’d be forgotten about and no longer have any opportunities to progress my hard earned career. It was hard to keep a level head.

Maybe my boss had a point, and maybe she didn’t. This however was my approach:

After running different conversations in my head about how I would confront my boss or even my boss’s boss or HR, I decided it wouldn’t be worth the stress and heartache it would cause me in my last few months at work.

My boss had actually avoided me for about two months – at least I could still carry out all my work with my project team as we had a flat structure and led our own work. When my boss needed me for a submission of some sort she only emailed me. This honestly really got me down even more about the whole situation.

I made a decision that if I wanted to do the training, I would set aside the money myself and do it in my own time, with my own resources. Knowing I had the freedom to do this relaxed me a lot.

In a 1:1 meeting I had with my boss’s boss shortly before I went on leave, I decided that I would only say positive things about my experience with my team (which was true) and my boss (which was not entirely true). I realised the best scenario I had played out in my head was one where I remained calm, professional and positive.

Specifically in regards to my training, I said that I was looking forward to undertaking a training session when I returned from maternity leave and my boss’s boss said she supported and approved me undertaking this training. I said I was thankful for the support of my boss (which I had when I first started my role) and that was it.

If I had mentioned the experience I had of not getting my training opportunity and I had their agreement over me being treated unfairly, it wouldn’t change things for the better. I may have gotten my training but at the possible expense of further deteriorating my relationship with my boss. Also, I didn’t want to leave a ‘bad taste’ with my boss’s boss of being seen as someone who complains (they might forget the content but remember that I complained about something).

This positive feedback found its way back to my boss who was then surprisingly very nice and supportive in my final month in the team. I can also say she must have been quite surprised.

Also, a lot can happen in a year.

There was a massive restructure during the time I was away and both bosses left the team and one left the organisation completely. Luckily my new boss approved me undertaking the training upon my return (after explaining that this was approved prior to me going on leave). I also had this in writing before I left, just in case.

I went on leave having positive relationships with both bosses. It’s a small world – I never know when I might cross paths with them again!

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